innocent drinks : our drinks - smoothies, thickies, really lovely juicesARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGH! Innocent or naive? Too smooth or just thickies? I love Innocent I really do, jealous ? Absolutely, because if I'd had the balls and the money to do it I'd have done it just like that. That smoothie, friendly, jokey ,honest style, much copied now but never as sincerely - Love it!
So then there was the water - Innocent 'This Water' - NO IT'S NOT! It's Fecking Fecklessly un innocent Squash - Yes there's water in the bottle too but it's full of sugar! Innocent famous brand for not adding added, and they added crap - white, sugary, once slave traded, sugar.
Whoops! recognising their mistake they sold the company to their employees and tried to rinse their hands of the not quite whole, not nothing but the whole nearly but not quite water thing.
With the Innocent launch of Veg Pots, the lumpy soups or vegetable stews I got excited. Here's a way for the lads to redeem themselves. Back to their roots instead of just fruit, whole fruit and nothing but the fruit we'll have Vegetables, the whole veg and nothing but the veg!
At last ( I fantisized) a nutritious vegan lunch that will soon be everywhere from corner shops to service stations. Oprah Winfrey and Natalie Portman will be gagging for them!
BUT NOoooooooooooooooooo! Innocent got some poncy no brain chef from the Fois Gras with donkey brain porridge Fat Duck to do the veg pot recipes. My heart beat faster and faster , mouth salivating....almost to the end of the long list of ingredients.....and then crushed, deflated, crumbled to the floor - the Anthony Worrall Tossedpot Marks and Spencers dead animal appreciation society have wealeded their wicked curse once more.
Just a little bit (2%) of creme fraiche WHY!??! Just a little bit of honey?!? WHY! For heaven's sake! Why?
I appreciate it's just innocent stupidity as no profit seeking company would deliberately seek to alienate millions of potentially loyal customers on purpose but it FEELS like a grudge, it FEELS like we are being intentionally picked on - "no no not for you the vegpot - don't touch the precious food, you're not a local, you have to eat the special food for the uncompromising ones - the boring tasteless food it shall be that is only suitable for you because no tastebuds we think you have"
In fairness Innocent Vegpots are quite healthy, They don't have huge spoonfulls of sugar in them like This is (not!) Water, they are low in salt, have lots of veg and less than 1% saturated animal fat. Do they taste nice? I'll never know - Innocent may as well say "less than 1% cow puss and doggy doodoos"
Lads lads lads - KISS X Keep It Simple Stupid! Remember the day you gave up your jobs to make smoothies! Remember the days at Cranks. Remember the fig tree!
4 comments:
Listen stupid
The products are fantastic keep buying your Tropicano smoothies and leave these products for people who enjoy eating real food.
Doh!
Actually, innocent smoothies have released a new vegan veg pot and taken the honey out of the morroccan tagine, and they're working on bring out more vegan veg pots.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Thanks Bean Girl for that 'Innocent Veg Pot Update'. That's great news I'm delighted that the Innocent veg pot development team have seen the light and made some vegetable veg pots.
It's just common sense! Innocent's Veg Pot marketing campaign is 3 a day + 2 a day = 5 a day.
It's more vegetables we need, not more saturated animal fat and sugar.
Well done Innocent! I hope the Cranks fig tree is alive and well!
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