Sunday, April 01, 2007

The World's First Vegan Fish

The world's first headless, brainless, vegetarian, vegan, fishless fish bred by Swiss Scientists

world's first vegan fish

Embargoed Until 00.07 April 1st 2007

The world's first headless, vegan, fish - Scomberomorus Maculates Scervellato

Swiss Biochimeric engineering scientists have managed to breed the world's first headless, brainless, fishless, fish by adding in proteins and fatty acids from EPA DHA rich micro algae. Macrobiotic Chimeric Engineering has reached new heights with the breeding of a new species that is closer to algae and seaweed than a fish.

Dr Oeildoiseau from the Lake Geneva Institute in Switzerland said “Zis is an amazing breakthrough that was achieved without genetic engineering and has incredible repercussions for the health of the world’s poor and landlocked communities. Ze technique used was a little like skin grafting and is made possible by ze very special properties of omega 3 rich essential fatty acids in micro algae which we added into vegetarian caviar eggs made from seaweed and potato starch.”

Marine biologists have confirmed the new fish is not a fish and classes as a plant as it is genetically simpler than plankton. Plankton falls just within the animal kingdom so isn’t classed as vegetarian or vegan. Hugh Haddock from Aberdeen University said “This unique plant is perfect for farming, because it has two tails and no head it just swims around in circles. Because it’s not technically a fish there are no issues with all the usual harvesting dilemmas such as electrocution, gassing, or stunning with a truncheon and then gill slitting”

A spokesman Redwoods foods who make the fish free making waves range of vegan scampi, fishless fingers, vegan salmon pate and tuna said today “We are assessing the ethical and sustainability implications of this rather intriguing development. We will also be seeking feedback from our customers to find out their reactions to it. Even though it’s not technically a fish I suspect that some of our customers may still be a bit squeamish about something that looks like something from Dr Doolittle - a headless Push-Me-Pull-You fish.”

Vegan Society spokesman Joe King said “There’s no doubt that Scomberomorus Maculates Scervellato is not an animal, it has no central nervous system. This product would be eligible for registration with The Vegan Society – whether or not vegans would buy it is another matter.”

Plamil Foods who make sugar free vegan chocolate fortified with hempseeds for extra amino acids and essential fats have ruled out the possibility of including the vegan fish in their chocolate. “It may go well with our organic egg free mayonnaises but it’s not something we are looking to use as an ingredient.” said managing director Adrian Ling.

A spokesperson for Water 4 Investments the company behind the world’s first vegan alternative to omega 3 fish oil DHA and EPA - V Pure said today “We can see no benefit to us from this vegan fish, our strain of algae already provides all the nutrients we need – there would just be extra expense and effort but no advantages from making oil from this Frankensteinesque creature.”

There are plans to launch the fish at the International ethical living festival at the 5th Bristol Vegan Fayre on June 9th & 10th in Bristol City’s new waterside development. A big tank is being borrowed from the London Aquarium and they will be grown on site. Negotiations are underway with Bristol City Council, Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth to ensure none of the creatures escape into the wild.

Editor's Notes

Picture - World's first Vegan Fish - Picture


Erik Steel said...

I had been waiting for this day --- I once I remarked that I was surprised that no one had bred a kosher pig, and now? A vegan fish. I can't picture consuming it personally. As victories go, this one looks Pyrrhic.

Rachael said...

Unfortunately I feel this is a hoax, as there is no scientific articles regarding this. If it were true then it would be quite a breakthrough and widely publicised I feel.