|Vegetarian Haggis Piper|
Happy Burn's Night! - Vegetarian Haggis Recipe
How to have a vegan, vegetarian, plantarian Burns night supper in honour of Robert 'Rabbie' Burns
So once you have caught, bought or made your plantarian / vegan / vegetarian Scottish Haggis then you'll need
- Some Edinburgh Crystal glasses
- Some Scottish single malt whiskey
- A piper or Bagpipe music
- Some neeps, tatties and plenty of gravy
- Lots of friends
Fair full your honest, jolly face,
Great chieftain of the sausage race!
Above them all you take your place,
Stomach, tripe, or intestines:
Well are you worthy of a grace
As long as my arm.
The groaning trencher there you fill,
Your buttocks like a distant hill,
Your pin would help to mend a mill
In time of need,
While through your pores the dews distill
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour wipe,
And cut you up with ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like any ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm steaming, rich!
Then spoon for spoon, the stretch and strive:
Devil take the hindmost, on they drive,
Till all their well swollen bellies by-and-by
Are bent like drums;
Then old Master of the house, most like to burst,
'The grace!' hums.
Is there that over his French ragout,
Or olio that would sicken a sow,
Or fricassee would make her spew
With perfect disgust,
Looks down with sneering, scornful view
On such a dinner?
Poor devil! see him over his trash,
As feeble as a withered rush,
His thin legs a good whip-lash,
His fist a nut;
Through bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit.
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his ample fist a blade,
He will make it whistle;
And legs, and arms, and heads will crop
Like tops of thistle.
You powers, who make mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill of fare,
Old Scotland want no watery ware,
That splashes in small wooden dishes;
But is you wish her grateful prayer,
Give her a Haggis!
Proper Old Scots version here
Or you could just cut to the chase with a vegetarian Selkirk Grace whilst toasting the Haggis with a wee dram (large glass) of whisky
an Some wud eat that want it
But we're replete and eat nae meat
An sae the lord be thankit
With apologies to descendants of Robert 'Rabbie' Burns by Capt James Tea Cook ex Taigh Na Mara, Lochbroom, Nr Ullapool